Aging: Rediscovering YOU - Danielle Brooks
This month, Samantha and her guests are tackling the shame trigger of Aging. In this episode, Samantha talks with returning guest Danielle Brooks (formerly Ellis). Danielle has been on a journey of self-discovery since turning 50 and has spent the pandemic realizing certain things about her life. She talks about how she had a well-rehearsed vulnerability story, but that she wasn't truly in touch with herself. She needed to hold space for herself and tap into some of the unhealed parts to reclaim her life. When it comes to aging, Danielle understands that it's never too late to take the first step into being more whole. She walks us through her journey and has encouraging words for the listeners, so listen in as Danielle and Samantha "Flush It Out!"
Danielle Brooks acknowledged all that was happening. She dug into her childhood trauma. She started to map out how some of the unhealed areas in her life shaped the decisions she was making. Danielle realized that people get stuck in regret or in lost opportunities.
It was her 50th birthday and she was trying to figure out how to celebrate in the midst of the pandemic. She didn’t want to be stuck in “healing mode.” She figured out that we all need to listen to our intuition and listen to ourselves.
Eventually she stopped therapy and got out of the divorce recovery group that she had been a part of. For her birthday, she decided to make “Top 10 Lists” instead.
Dealing with the trauma is necessary, but there was joy she found along the way. She wanted to reconnect to the little girl inside of her. She also struggled with “toxic positivity.” She needed to be healed enough to know whether or not she was denying her own reality, but she also realized that it’s ok to be a positive person in the world.
Grief was important for her because she was a person who didn’t have a lot of self-worth. It took her holding space for her own grief and allowing herself to feel those feelings in order to turn that around. Talking about it with safe people is important, also. She found her “helpers!”
Danielle says that taking the first step is important. You may be surprised where you find support. There can be a lot of healing when you become open and vulnerable. This lightens your grief.
We live in a youth-focused culture. This makes it challenging to feel comfortable at your age. Let yourself “be.” Be where you are. Be who you are. Be the age you are.
How do you do an “autopsy” of your own life?
She likes to write, so she started with one question. “When was the last time that I felt truly happy?” From the list that this question prompted, she started to dig a little bit deeper into those and went from there. After that, she started to go back even earlier and did the same thing. It created a “web of happiness” for her.
Danielle was living life like she could outrun her past; that she could achieve enough to close the door on her past. She had rehearsed her vulnerability story very well. It was a story of overcoming; a military career, getting a masters degree, etc. She told herself that she could “pray her way” out of her past. But, she had never dealt with it. She had to go back and reclaim the rest of her story.
Danielle finishes her time on the podcast by mentioning a couple of books that have helped her on her journey:
Crystal Evans Hurst’s book, “She’s Still There.” Rediscovering the little girl inside of you. This book helped her to be confident with who she is. She is now embracing every aspect of who she is.
“Everything Belongs” by Richard Rohr. This book integrated her Christian beliefs with the rest of her life. She was able to tap into her spirit and expand her capacity to open herself up to her internal intuition.